Things which matter most must never be at the mercy of things which matter least.” ~Johann Wolfgang von Goethe
I’ve always been a dreamer. A really big dreamer. For the most part, it’s served me well. I was the first person in my family to graduate from college. A private college, magna cum laude, while raising four children alone. I don’t do mediocrity.
I worked hard and brought our family out of poverty singlehandedly. We moved to a better neighborhood, built a nice house, and went on vacations. I was no ordinary woman. I’d much prefer to raise those kids alone than to settle for the companionship of a mere mortal man.
The man I sought had to be equally well-educated, ambitious, successful, attractive, and generous.
I also would have preferred that he not want any children and would be happy to help me raise mine since I had so many.
Finally, he had to be well-read, close to my own age, and not addicted to television. I froze out the older men who would have been happy to date me.
Guess what happened? I raised those four kids alone while reading every self-help book I could find and begging every deity I could think of to send me a mate. I absolutely refused to “settle.
It’s very common for people who’ve been single for a long time to say that they won’t settle. They maintain that they could have been married or in a relationship by this time if they’d settled, but they are going to hold out for the best.
How about you? Are you holding out for a “package,” a person who possesses all of the qualities on a list you’ve made?
If so, I’d like to encourage you to consider the value of having a flesh and blood human being in your life to love you, care when you’ve had a bad day at work, or bring you soup when you’re sick. You’ll have the opportunity to experience loving this person back and sharing your life with them. It’s tough to cuddle up to a list.
The truth is, dating someone who doesn’t possess every quality you wish for isn’t the same thing as settling. You probably don’t have every trait your would-be mate desires and whether you realize it or not, you’ve already been settling.
Being open to dating outside your type is not settling. Most of us understand that we’re not going to get every single thing we want in life and it really is okay.
You don’t refuse to find a place to live just because you can’t afford a ten-bedroom mansion. Instead, you buy or rent a place within your means and go on about your business. This is a perfectly reasonable thing to do and most of us are fine with the concept until we consider dating. Then we insist on “having it all.
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